The Religious...Downfall. - **Guest Blogger**

"**Note from Editor:  Please indulge in the latest post from my colleague, "Ralph", and her adventures in finding "The One"**

Putting yourself out there to try to meet someone gets exhausting.   I went thru a few months where I was dating three people at the same time (no physical stuff until monogamous though, I’m not that kind of girl...actually maybe I would be that type of girl but I just wasn’t that into any of these dudes).

Anyways, I dated these guys because they were nice, appropriate and had the same religious background as yours truly.  For the past six years actually, I’ve only seriously dated people that are of the same religion as me because I figure it would work out in the long run.  In fact, I would ignore huge imperfections because, at the end of the day, we had similar cultural and religious upbringings.  Yet, 6 years later, here I am, post-yet another-break-up.  The whimsical visions of walking those 4 circles to holy matrimony are still fresh in my mind as I thought that this time, maybe this time, it would work. 

Years ago, I dated my best friend.  He was Sikh and I am Hindu and yet, our connection was deeper than any I’d ever had with a Hindu male.  I started the relationship out with a caveat, stating firmly, “this can never be long-term because I’m marrying a Hindu guy.”  Looking back on it, our bitter break-up, albeit very much so due to his cheating and lying ways, also had a lot to do with my inability to go all-in because I knew, or thought I knew, the credentials needed of my future “life partner”.  (cue: my wannabe bio-data language)

I think about it now and I wonder, what if the religious contradiction was never an issue?  Would we have then perhaps become that envious cliché found in every Yash Chopra Hindi film?  Best friends who innocently fall in love.  Wow – what a trip that would have been. 

Bringing it back to 2012, I sit here and I think about the small pool of people I have to date and choose from – all for what?  I love my religion and I want to marry within it, but at what cost?  Religion is about God and God is about Love and Love, romantic, weak in the knees, friendship, soul mate, exploding heartbeat love...well, I’m not sure if that’s the same love as "God Love" – but I know that I’m more happy, blissful and AT PEACE with life when I’m in love.  So maybe religion is important, yes – absolutely.  But maybe my faith and how I view my beliefs is more closely linked to all encompassing Love, rather than in the details of my religion.  Or maybe, just maybe, I’m having a crisis of identity as I sit here, alone again, mending my clichéd, exhausted and hackneyed broken heart.

Fuck N Foreplay

Let me set the record straight.  I don’t carry any emotional baggage.  I was never heart broken.  Nothing has happened to me that could substantiate my cynicism.  I find the need to put that out there in the hopes that others are able to identify with what they really want (or don’t want).

I’ve had two major relationships.  Both of which ended pretty mutually.  Both stand up guys who I’m still in touch with to this day.  Looking back, I might not have appreciated either of them as much as I should have, but I learned a lot about myself during my “attached” time and hope (know) they will find someone better.

Looking back, I can’t believe either of them put up with my bullshit, but there was nothing like an emotional explosion that has held me hostage all these years.  My methodology is simply science and it just is what it is.

That being said, I have seen people were just like me end up in lasting relationships.  So obviously that’s not to say that things don’t change.  And end drunken blabbering.

So let’s talk about foreplay.  I, for one, don’t really need it.  I think it’s a waste of time from the real thing that I am out to get (dick).  However, most normal people are inclined to participate in some sort of foreplay prior to getting it in (present company included).

The scientific basis behind foreplay is simple.  Foreplay obviously provides men with a chance to get harder (most guys are at some point of hard on when initiating foreplay) and it provides women with a chance to secrete (lubrication).  This, in theory, is the optimal scenario for copulation.

But what’s interesting is the way foreplay and acts of foreplay have evolved over time.  I can’t imagine our ancestors were able to suck a mean dick.  (which reminds me of a conversation I recently had about dick sucking, see future post on evolutionary basis behind sucking a dick).  I digress.

In any event, the evolution of foreplay has mutated so exponentially, it’s hard to keep track of everyone’s likes and dislikes.  I am not even going to lie when I met a dude who asked me to put a finger in his ass because it got him hard (I didn’t do it, but don’t put it past me either). 

In the end, foreplay is important especially when it comes to building a relationship.  It’s about trust you have with the other half.  I genuinely feel that if you are looking to have mindless sex with someone, foreplay just doesn’t make sense.  It’s more intimate an act than people give it credit. 

In close, I’d be interested in hearing some of the foreplay tactics that you all either have heard of, enjoy yourself, or think I might enjoy. 

Not dedicating this post to anyone, it would be too easy, and I'm not easy, I'm just fast.    

I'll Call You Tomorrow - **Guest Blogger**

**Note from the editor:  So, after all my crazy rants and cynical assumptions (truths), I've decided I need someone to counter all my bullshit.  Enter, Ralph, a pseudonym, and a friend who will be chronicling her search for the perfect mate.  You can generally find her updates on Wednesdays and all comments are welcome.  Enjoy!**

About a month and a half ago, @controvershiL had asked me to be a guest blogger on her site.  As she claims to not believe in love (a point which I argue with her about on many occasion), she felt her readers would relate to me and my quest to find that quintessential long-term male companion (i.e. – a husband, a soul mate, whatever term floats your boat).

The funny thing about this is that a month ago, I wasn’t sure I could write about my trials and tribulations in the crazy anxiety-ridden world of dating because I was actually blissfully involved and infatuated with someone who appeared to be kind, honest, hot and humble.  Add to this the fact that he came from my religious background and was looking for a serious relationship and you can imagine my true sense of joy and quite frankly, relief.  Finally. Finally. Finally.  I had found him!

Days and weeks can pass in a flash when you’re a 29 year old Indian girl in the beginning stages of new love.  You can get involved with someone so profoundly in the span of just 7 weeks that you truly look past all potential pitfalls and keep going.  You keep your rose-colored glasses glued firmly on your face so that you can finally get to that proverbial finish line before it’s too late.  I constantly feel like I am running a race that everyone else in my life has completed.  They are all at the finish line, re-hydrating and carb-loading and I’m still panting away, with the finish line so far away I can’t even see it.  At this point, I’ve fainted and I’m laying on the track, my heart beating fast, my eyes closed.  Everything’s blurry and I’m dizzy.  Someone call an ambulance – I can’t breathe.

Honestly, as I sit here typing away– I still don’t know what happened with the above mentioned male.  Our conversations went from serious discussions of the future, to mystifying texts filled with false promises. 

“I’ll call you tomorrow : )”,  “Sorry today was crazy – call you Sunday : )”.  Ugh. The smiley face text – meant to disengage the reader, but really I just view it as aggravating passive aggressiveness.  Emoticons are cute in your teens.  In your late 20s/early 30s?  Man up and call a girl.

I’m not sharing this story with you all to bore you or gain sympathy points.  I’m sharing this because I’m sure its relatable and because I truly believe that if you really truly want love or babies or whatever it is...then it will come and these relationships that don’t work out are all land mines that you’ve been blessed enough to avoid.  I won’t go into detail about the aforementioned mate – but there were large flaws and compromises I was open to making just to be with him.  And I can’t help but wonder if, 5 years ago, I would even have considered him a viable option.  Are we so scared of being alone that we’ll take whatever we can get?  I’m not sure.  I’m slightly afraid to say, that in my case, up until this point – that answer may just be a resounding yes.  So – in the last few months of my 20s – I plan to change this way of thinking.  I plan to be even more thoughtful with who I decide is appropriate to date, and I plan to be less emotional.  I plan to date multiple people at the same time until one person shows me security over a time period of several months.   I will reopen my biodata online dating accounts that I so gleefully closed when meeting the former object of my affection.  It’s time to move on – no time to grieve over someone who can’t even be bothered to give you a reason for his ambivalence.  Gotta move on.  Gotta stop listening to sad Bollywood love songs.  If you want that big love in your life, there’s no time to grieve over the landmines that you’ve thankfully avoided.  Get to it.  It’s a job.

Oh, Zuckerberg

The Facebook IPO dropped, the zombie apocalypse arrived, my old boxing coach offered words of reconciliation (thus I’m back on the Golden Gloves train), and two white boys called me on the same night for a booty call.  Shit is officially hitting the fan.  What did Zuckerberg think would happen after he married an Asian girl?  Apparently, none of us are safe and the white boys are on the hunt.

I ended up meeting one of the guys for a drink later in the week.  I’ve slept with him before and he was good so I thought what the hell.  In the end, I didn’t end up sleeping with him merely because I wasn’t interested in bringing him home.  Not to mention, I generally get bored after the first time I sleep with him which got me thinking to some of the guys I’ve given a 2^nd chance to.

Over the sobriety gig, I called the other boy to see if he’d come over for a quickie and lucky for me, he was available this Saturday for some Saturday morning sex.  Afterwards, I kicked him out to load up on Starbucks for my next 2 hours at dance.  I ended up falling asleep while we were texting that night, and the next morning I wake up to a text asking me if I was mad and I flipped my shit.  I know I shouldn’t have, but really dude?

It seems that more and more dudes are getting emotionally attached after one-night (morning) stands.  Then I realized that we’re at that age where it’s not just females looking to settle down, but males too.  And as I asked around, most of my male friends tend to agree.

It seems that “settling” down has become a common theme in many of my (male) friend’s mission in life, and while I’m not mad, I do feel a little concern for both parties on the term “settling”.  Why should one EVER settle?

We go through life avoiding settling on colleges, jobs, cars, etc and yet, when it comes to someone we are thinking about spending the rest of our lives with, “settling down” has become a kind of hysteria spreading around in our generation. 

I mean, how many girls did Zuckerberg even date before he rashly (perhaps?) decided to get married?  And you know that kid would have gotten plenty of play.  Sure, the majority would have been gold digging hoes with nothing substantial to offer, but still, at least he had options. 

What’s going to happen later down the line, when he realizes that A.  Facebook is dunzo.  And B.  He should have checked out his options?  Maybe it’s the cynic in me, but I’m still very light hearted to anyone who jumps into something without giving it a thorough thinking.  I’ve had several conversations with married couples who “settled” and are now, I hate to say it, regretting their decisions.

So what’s the deal?  Are we just getting scared of being alone so we settle with the next person who gives us a little attention and compromise all of our expectations into an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship?  I’m seriously hoping that one of you can prove my theory wrong.