I’m sleeping with a guy from twitter who has a pretty small dick. It’s not the smallest I’ve seen, but since he’s current, I thought I’d talk about it. I’ve written a post about my preference of a small dick over a big dick, but that was based on a comfort thing. I want to talk today of the evolutionary basis of the preference for a small dick.
So let me talk about the guy for a minute. I met him on twitter (I promise, its only the 2nd guy I’ve done via twitter), so I really should have known better, but I got over it because let’s face it, I’m a legend and the guy should be so lucky. Okay enough self-praise, back to the guy; let’s call him, JB. Of course JB is kind of a pansy, (which I’m finding is most of twitter and mostly what I attract, but see later blog post on the correlation between social media, aggressive women, and pansy-ass dudes). Okay, so JB is a pansy. He is pretty good looking, an engineer, and lives in the NYC/NJ Metro area. The guy lives with his parents, which I did hold against him, until I slept with him and the sex was pretty amazing, so I managed to look past it the first night…then the second night…and the next morning…. you get the point.
Okay so back to his dick, like I said, it wasn’t the smallest I’ve seen, so I was pretty content. Females are programmed to prefer a big dick and there is a simple reason for this. Since sex is the method to pro-create, a bigger (see: longer, girthier) dick is more likely to impregnate a woman’s ovulating system than a small (see: short, skinnier) dick. A big dick can reach the egg whereas a small dick cannot. Does that make sense? Biologically, women are attracted to a bigger dick because that dick can reach the egg better than a smaller one. It’s so simple.
Now, what about females like me who kick big dicks out of my apartment? I hate to sound facetious so take this as seriously as you can, but we are being evolutionary weeded out. And it totally makes sense. I don’t want to have any kids. I just took a five-minute break because I had an evolutionary epiphany and had to tell my friends. So what does all this have to do with the small dicks in my recent life? My personal market research has shown that guys that I sleep with who have small dicks are not interested in having any future offspring. Can you guess why? Because small dicks are a result of being weeded out evolutionarily! They are already biologically programmed to NOT pro-create. Mind blowing right? It makes perfect sense that a small-dick dude and a shallow-set vag (me) would be the ideal mating solution. There would be (ideally) no pro-creation, but the primal instinct to copulate could still occur. I still can’t get over it.
So I ran this by my girlfriend, Shari, who wants to get married and have kids one day. The problem is, she doesn’t prefer a big dick. Unfortunately, I put things into perspective for her (ironically, on route via the Q-train to Queens to a baby shower for a close friend). She, too, is being evolutionary weeded out. Women who don’t prefer a big dick are not biologically primed to pro-create. I hated giving Shari the bad news, but I was also in an angry mood yesterday morning, so I guess I didn’t care. Still, it was Shari and I love her more than the world.
Today I had brunch with a bunch of educated females, who I’m sure I scarred for life, but I ran this theory by. I think that no one believes my bull shit, but in the end, they all took away something and I suspect they will all report back to me their experiences with their respective dicks to determine whether my theory is sound.
I want to dedicate this post to the ladies I had brunch with today. Prove me wrong and the next brunch is on me.
Sunday, July 31
Sunday, July 24
Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me.
This week, I was going to write my opinion about sex on the first date, but then someone asked me how to steal a girl’s boyfriend, so my gears switched up. I think she was being facetious, but truth be told, we were bred to compete for the ideal mate. So when someone comes around asking me how to do this, it’s actually an easy one to answer.
First and foremost, no matter what anyone says otherwise, you have to look the part. A genetically viable female is one who has those childbearing hips and a large enough chest to feed milk to her offspring for days. Men will try and deny this at all costs, but in the end, they’ll marry the curvy chick over the skinny one any day. Trust me.
You can’t just grow these genetically viable physical traits over night. In fact, society has allowed to us feign certain characteristics with the invention of butt pads and boob jobs, but let’s be honest, hooking a guy is easy to do if you know what needs to be done.
Second of all, being easy and fast isn’t going to land you this guy. A coy female is the prime female. Humans are one of the only species (if not the only) who have a hidden ovulation system. Men are more likely to mate with an ovulating woman than one who isn’t (the better to spread his seed, right?). That being said, since men are unaware of whether a female is ovulating or not, the coyer the female, the better the chances a female will land a mate by deception.
Does that make sense? If it doesn’t, let me know. It makes sense in my head, but I mean, I’ve studied this inside out. Okay, so anyway, besides being coy, I hate to say it, but a female in need is also attractive to males. Males in just about all species are bred to provide for their investment. They invest in a woman. She invests in him, and together they produce offspring to carry on the lineage. Okay, so back to being a female in need. There are females out there (mostly yours truly) who are NEVER in need of a male’s resource. Males aren’t attracted to this. They want a female who “needs” his resources.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is not a DAMN thing wrong with being independent, but you really want to snag a mate, then use those deception skills and let him feel needed. And don’t over do it. That’s when you become a “needy chick”. Don’t be that girl.
I know I’m going to be shunned by my fellow neo-feministic counter parts, but I can’t help but support the biological way that we were created. I know many females and males are going to disagree with my theory, but I really brought up this subject to see what others think on the view of deception and mate competition in general.
I dedicate this to all the girls who wants guys who have girlfriends. You’re better than those bitches anyway.
First and foremost, no matter what anyone says otherwise, you have to look the part. A genetically viable female is one who has those childbearing hips and a large enough chest to feed milk to her offspring for days. Men will try and deny this at all costs, but in the end, they’ll marry the curvy chick over the skinny one any day. Trust me.
You can’t just grow these genetically viable physical traits over night. In fact, society has allowed to us feign certain characteristics with the invention of butt pads and boob jobs, but let’s be honest, hooking a guy is easy to do if you know what needs to be done.
Second of all, being easy and fast isn’t going to land you this guy. A coy female is the prime female. Humans are one of the only species (if not the only) who have a hidden ovulation system. Men are more likely to mate with an ovulating woman than one who isn’t (the better to spread his seed, right?). That being said, since men are unaware of whether a female is ovulating or not, the coyer the female, the better the chances a female will land a mate by deception.
Does that make sense? If it doesn’t, let me know. It makes sense in my head, but I mean, I’ve studied this inside out. Okay, so anyway, besides being coy, I hate to say it, but a female in need is also attractive to males. Males in just about all species are bred to provide for their investment. They invest in a woman. She invests in him, and together they produce offspring to carry on the lineage. Okay, so back to being a female in need. There are females out there (mostly yours truly) who are NEVER in need of a male’s resource. Males aren’t attracted to this. They want a female who “needs” his resources.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is not a DAMN thing wrong with being independent, but you really want to snag a mate, then use those deception skills and let him feel needed. And don’t over do it. That’s when you become a “needy chick”. Don’t be that girl.
I know I’m going to be shunned by my fellow neo-feministic counter parts, but I can’t help but support the biological way that we were created. I know many females and males are going to disagree with my theory, but I really brought up this subject to see what others think on the view of deception and mate competition in general.
I dedicate this to all the girls who wants guys who have girlfriends. You’re better than those bitches anyway.
Saturday, July 16
“…90% of dudes are little bitches, give or take 10%...”~ @jayang.
Females have a natural tendency to harness “excitement” in their life. (I hate the word “drama” so much, that I’m going to refer to it as “excitement” from this point on). They thrive off of the competition and jealousy that always involves the attention of a male whether directly or indirectly. It’s inevitable and something I’d rather not condone, but I understand its means, and it’s certainly justified (just like cheating, cuckoldry, sperm competition, and the like). There are some of us who are being weeded out, evolutionary (which I’ve come to terms with) who don’t experience jealousy or have a direct competitive zeal around other women. We won’t be procreating, and have no reason to.
So anyway, with respect to some of my more "fun" sexual trysts, I’ve found that males are actually very prone to this type of “excitement” in their life. These guys are literally acting like “little bitches” complaining and moaning about the most trifling little details.
Speaking with my sounding boards, I’ve found that the urban environment is actually overrun with these types of guys. Now I am completely aligned with male jealousy. I’ve published papers on the emotional jealousy versus sexual jealousy, so I understand that there is a reason behind it in both male and female sexes. I’m not talking about that kind of “excitement”. I’m talking about that middle school shit that we, adults, don’t know how to deal with in the present day, and I can’t, and I won’t tolerate it.
I have a male friend, John, who I’ve known for about 10 years. He is the youngest of three, college-educated, unemployed, but still able to come out and party every now and then. He’s lost touch with many of our (former) mutual friends, simply because of petty bullshit. Examples include: “This guy hooked up with his former girlfriend.” “This girl broke up with him.” Stupid stuff that isn’t even worth expanding on.
John and I don’t talk much anymore, and I think I’m realizing why. John doesn’t share the issues and concerns that I have. I need to worry about my finances, running an organization and working full-time at the same time, dance class, training, etc. He worries about who has the better BMW (that was provided by their parents), where the “it” place to be is on Friday (which is usually a mere 20 minutes away and in a strip mall), and which girl he’ll be taking home following that night (who will be 19, drunk, and easy).
Looking at back at what I just wrote, I remember hanging out with my two very favorite friends, Jay D. and Jay K. (they both had the same name, so I’ll let their pseudonyms be the same as well). I remember worrying about whether I’d inherit my dads Benz or my moms Four runner. I remember trying to get out on Friday night to go to the party being held at Baja Beach Club on Columbus Ave and worrying if Jay K’s girlfriend would show up or not in the hopes that he would make out with me at the end of the night. I remember all this, and it was from 1996.
It’s clear that John and I are on different wavelengths, but it pains me to think that someone who was once such a good friend to me is now so different from me and can’t understand what it means to truly have a concern or issue. There is much more to life than cars, girls, and parties. I know it sounds cliché, but it needs to be said. I can’t help but blame these guys for not stepping outside their self-made bubble and see that there is more to life than the petty shit they are getting pissed off and angry about.
I also can’t help but blame these guys for being dependent (not just physically, but emotionally as well). That being said, I need to implement a new rule (and hope my fellow females will follow suit) to do your homework with a dude. Is he dependent on his family? Is he hung up on an ex? Is he constantly worrying about stupid petty shit that doesn't matter? Throw caution to the wind, the majority of these guys may seem harmless at first, but they’ll burn you in the end (and with the stupidest shit you’ll keep shaking your head at after it happens).
Two things I want to leave you with before I sign off. Friendship is fine, but be careful with these “little bitches” (as I like to call them). a. These guys are stuck in a bubble, and you won’t want to be there when it bursts and b. He’ll be a needy little bitch throughout the courting (friendship or otherwise) process and will whine and pout if he doesn’t get his way. This guy is also being weeded out evolutionary, but it’s for a different reason, obviously.
I’m dedicating this post to all the little bitches out there. Get off of your parents couches and go worry about something real for a change.
So anyway, with respect to some of my more "fun" sexual trysts, I’ve found that males are actually very prone to this type of “excitement” in their life. These guys are literally acting like “little bitches” complaining and moaning about the most trifling little details.
Speaking with my sounding boards, I’ve found that the urban environment is actually overrun with these types of guys. Now I am completely aligned with male jealousy. I’ve published papers on the emotional jealousy versus sexual jealousy, so I understand that there is a reason behind it in both male and female sexes. I’m not talking about that kind of “excitement”. I’m talking about that middle school shit that we, adults, don’t know how to deal with in the present day, and I can’t, and I won’t tolerate it.
I have a male friend, John, who I’ve known for about 10 years. He is the youngest of three, college-educated, unemployed, but still able to come out and party every now and then. He’s lost touch with many of our (former) mutual friends, simply because of petty bullshit. Examples include: “This guy hooked up with his former girlfriend.” “This girl broke up with him.” Stupid stuff that isn’t even worth expanding on.
John and I don’t talk much anymore, and I think I’m realizing why. John doesn’t share the issues and concerns that I have. I need to worry about my finances, running an organization and working full-time at the same time, dance class, training, etc. He worries about who has the better BMW (that was provided by their parents), where the “it” place to be is on Friday (which is usually a mere 20 minutes away and in a strip mall), and which girl he’ll be taking home following that night (who will be 19, drunk, and easy).
Looking at back at what I just wrote, I remember hanging out with my two very favorite friends, Jay D. and Jay K. (they both had the same name, so I’ll let their pseudonyms be the same as well). I remember worrying about whether I’d inherit my dads Benz or my moms Four runner. I remember trying to get out on Friday night to go to the party being held at Baja Beach Club on Columbus Ave and worrying if Jay K’s girlfriend would show up or not in the hopes that he would make out with me at the end of the night. I remember all this, and it was from 1996.
It’s clear that John and I are on different wavelengths, but it pains me to think that someone who was once such a good friend to me is now so different from me and can’t understand what it means to truly have a concern or issue. There is much more to life than cars, girls, and parties. I know it sounds cliché, but it needs to be said. I can’t help but blame these guys for not stepping outside their self-made bubble and see that there is more to life than the petty shit they are getting pissed off and angry about.
I also can’t help but blame these guys for being dependent (not just physically, but emotionally as well). That being said, I need to implement a new rule (and hope my fellow females will follow suit) to do your homework with a dude. Is he dependent on his family? Is he hung up on an ex? Is he constantly worrying about stupid petty shit that doesn't matter? Throw caution to the wind, the majority of these guys may seem harmless at first, but they’ll burn you in the end (and with the stupidest shit you’ll keep shaking your head at after it happens).
Two things I want to leave you with before I sign off. Friendship is fine, but be careful with these “little bitches” (as I like to call them). a. These guys are stuck in a bubble, and you won’t want to be there when it bursts and b. He’ll be a needy little bitch throughout the courting (friendship or otherwise) process and will whine and pout if he doesn’t get his way. This guy is also being weeded out evolutionary, but it’s for a different reason, obviously.
I’m dedicating this post to all the little bitches out there. Get off of your parents couches and go worry about something real for a change.
Sunday, July 10
Wedding Season is Officially Over
So wedding season is over. Unfortunately, no great epiphanies came to me as I was participating. On approximately four hours of sleep over the course of two days at a best friends wedding, by the reception, I had no desire to go home with a groomsman I was eyeing who I knew would make an interesting post.
Wedding season wasn’t as terrible as I had anticipated, and I know it has all to do with how much fun I had, but it would be AWESOME to have a wedding simply to have the HUGE party. So as I’m thinking about it, all the thoughts in my head went around decorations, outfits, bridesmaids, etc. I didn’t even think about “my future partner”. I couldn’t even imagine what married life would be like.
People tell me that I just haven’t found the right guy to turn me straight. As much as I try to convince myself, I don’t believe it. I can’t even get attached to a guy I’m regularly sleeping with. So it got me thinking that maybe I’m subconsciously attracted to guys who I know I can’t become attached to.
Recent history has shown me that just about every guy I’ve hooked up with has been extremely gorgeous and successful. I know you’re thinking what the hell, I’m attracted to the perfect guy. No. In fact, if a guy is gorgeous and successful, he’s more likely to be picked up by some other girl so I don’t have to deal with his bullshit. Plus, this other girl is more likely to be docile (look amongst yourselves, ladies).
I’ve done married guys, engaged guys, and attached guys. All guys, who in the end, won’t need to commit to me. That all being said, how is a “right guy” going to come along? I’ve had my moments of weaknesses: Wayne, Pecs, etc, but in the end, I wasn’t really interested, and they were just guys to pass the time with.
I think what I’m trying to get at is that there might not be someone out there who is a “right guy” or “right girl”. If you have a habit of being attracted to the same person over and over again, none of them are going to be “right”. There’s a reason that it didn’t work with the first one.
I’m not suggesting that how I am is the right way to do things. Obviously, tons of people are in relationships and married, and half of them actually do succeed, but I can’t sit here and support this idea that there is someone out there for everyone. It’s not true. There are people ahead of evolution and there are some that are behind. Then there are those….that settle.
Wedding season wasn’t as terrible as I had anticipated, and I know it has all to do with how much fun I had, but it would be AWESOME to have a wedding simply to have the HUGE party. So as I’m thinking about it, all the thoughts in my head went around decorations, outfits, bridesmaids, etc. I didn’t even think about “my future partner”. I couldn’t even imagine what married life would be like.
People tell me that I just haven’t found the right guy to turn me straight. As much as I try to convince myself, I don’t believe it. I can’t even get attached to a guy I’m regularly sleeping with. So it got me thinking that maybe I’m subconsciously attracted to guys who I know I can’t become attached to.
Recent history has shown me that just about every guy I’ve hooked up with has been extremely gorgeous and successful. I know you’re thinking what the hell, I’m attracted to the perfect guy. No. In fact, if a guy is gorgeous and successful, he’s more likely to be picked up by some other girl so I don’t have to deal with his bullshit. Plus, this other girl is more likely to be docile (look amongst yourselves, ladies).
I’ve done married guys, engaged guys, and attached guys. All guys, who in the end, won’t need to commit to me. That all being said, how is a “right guy” going to come along? I’ve had my moments of weaknesses: Wayne, Pecs, etc, but in the end, I wasn’t really interested, and they were just guys to pass the time with.
I think what I’m trying to get at is that there might not be someone out there who is a “right guy” or “right girl”. If you have a habit of being attracted to the same person over and over again, none of them are going to be “right”. There’s a reason that it didn’t work with the first one.
I’m not suggesting that how I am is the right way to do things. Obviously, tons of people are in relationships and married, and half of them actually do succeed, but I can’t sit here and support this idea that there is someone out there for everyone. It’s not true. There are people ahead of evolution and there are some that are behind. Then there are those….that settle.
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