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The Legality of Philias

One of the coolest things I’m known for is the ability to diagnose my friends.  Everyone will pile into my tiny Manhattan apartment for my famous drinks and dessert party, we shoot the shit and before you know it, my DSM is out and I’m pointing out the histrionic, the bipolar, or the psychopath in the group (all of which are me).  The DSM is by far one of my favorite books.  Sure its more a text book than anything else, but if you’ve ever cracked one open, you might as well be reading a set of short stories about random disorders that you never even knew existed.

The other day, I was watching my Law & Order:  Special Victims Unit (favorite show ever), and it was the episode where Stabler finds out his daughter’s picture is on a pedophile website and he flips his shit.  Naturally, I pulled out my DSM to look up the disorder known as Pedophilia.  I flipped through other deviant behavior getting to the page (fetishism, sadism, etc) detailing the behavior.

I mean, the real reason I looked it up was because the extreme stigma attached to the disorder.  Most, if not all people regard this as one of the most disdainful behaviors in the world.  But of course, being as impartial as I possibly could, I started to think about these people. 

I can’t judge them the way that I am.  There is a reason that Pedophilia (and all philias) is listed in the DSM.  Simple neuronal misfires and abnormal brain development could be simple explanations for such deviant behavior.  And sure, it isn’t right, but we treat all kinds of things like cancer, HIV, and the like.  Can we really judge them for being who they are?  If they are just hard wired like that, it’s not their fault.  Sure, it’s gross disgusting, but if they can’t help it, then its like saying a cancer patient could avoid cancer. 

I mean, and this extends beyond pedophilia.  What about the other philias?  S&M is revered with underground dungeons (stay tuned for a future piece on my experience as a dungeoness).  Voyeurism is all across the Internet with spy cams etc.  If all philias are lumped into one category, then technically all are deviant acts that should be shamed upon.  Right?

I guess what I’m trying to figure out is why these behaviors are all lumped together when there is a clear distinction between what is legal hard wired behavior and what is illegal hard wired behavior.  It should really be all or none. 

Before we all get our panties in a bunch about what is a true sexual dysfunction and what isn’t, I should mention that there is a new version of the DSM coming out.  I don’t know the details about what is changing, but there are certainly changes, so who knows.  Maybe my concerns will be alleviated and I won’t go through life wondering if my S&M behavior should be classified as illegal. 

What I’m really interested in knowing is what my reader’s opinions are.  Do you think that pedophilia should be classified as a separate behavior?  Do you think it’s a hard-wired behavior or a learned behavior?  Do you think it’s treatable?  What about other philias?  Where does that leave the vast majority of people who live by legal philias?  Is it fair?  Leave a comment or 12.

A Call For Sex

I can never get past the fact that things relating to sex and sexual relationships are so hush hush.  Its really like Plato really was a dictator and all the artifacts from his teachings are still around today.  Seriously?  And I am so frustrated with philosophers in general being put on this pedestal where they are worshipped, and will be worshipped, till the end of time.  And yet, current day philosophers, true philosophers, are far and few between. 

I forgot I was talking about sex for a second, so need to take a step back.  If you know me (and chances are, you do), my sex life is more of an open book then the rest of my life.  Maybe that is a bit extreme, but again (if you know me), you know that I live my life by science and law, and there is nothing more sincere than Dr. Charles Darwin, Dr. Steven Pinker, and Dr. Sigmund Freud.  I don’t think any of them are doctors, to be honest, but I don’t really care.  They all might as well have medical degrees with the shit they preach.

Sure there have been times I’ve had sex with a dude and haven’t had much to say about it, but truth be told its because there is nothing to say about it, and you don’t want that.  If the sex isn’t spectacular, it never will be, and you will be doomed to fail, unless upon some miracle, you received clear direction on what needs improvement.  And let’s face it, no women is going to tell you what needs improvement (again because Plato shuns us on talking about anything sex-related), she’ll just move on to the next one, and you can’t blame her because that’s just how it is.

And what bothers me even more is how some people are so hypocritical about sex.  It’s like certain aspects you can talk about, but certain aspects you can’t.  What’s the deal with that?  Why can’t it all just be open for conversation?  Privacy can only account for so much (recent article available on the dis-evolution of privacy).

So back to me, since this is my blog.  It’s clear I’m open about my sex life, and I’m hoping to pass the baton on to my fellow readers.  That being said, I’m looking forward to seeing my OWN philosophical and diabolical theories come to life in the form of my fans own stories, tips, and the like.  And so lets call this post really what it is, a call to action for your own experiences that even I may call shocking (and trust me, there isn’t much that shocks me).   

Get out of your mothers basements and give me something to talk about. 

controvershiL@gmail.com

Sex in Mumbai

I haven’t gotten any in a long time.  Needless to say, if I’m following Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief model, I’m currently in the bargaining stage.  It’s not for lack of trying.  Nooner and I have been trying to get together and about half of my loyal following wants to screw me. 

That being said, I recently came back from a trip to India.  If you know me, I was more than apprehensive about the trip, anxious that the village would suck me up and I’d have to pee in the dirt.  It was fine.  I was just being a drama queen about the situation. 

I guess my real hold up was how different “they” are versus me.  That their lifestyle would be a polar opposite from mine and frankly, I wouldn’t be accepted.  Sure I wasn’t accepted, but their lifestyle was not too far off from mine.  Being the American novelty, I decided to harness what I could and find out what my homeland’s current inhabitants were all about.

A few people I met were self-proclaimed Bollywood elite, but since you are always guilty until proven innocent with me, I was fine.  It seems that the question about sex and sexuality brings out the same reaction around the locals and what it does to my assholes back home.  I was intrigued. 

So whether or not I tapped into a very rare population (which may be true considering the circumstances), my further probes on the pervasiveness of sexual conversations, fetishes, prostitution and the like were not only discussed at length, but featured several opinions NOT unlike my own.  I was more than intrigued. I was floored.

People, both men and women, were not only sexually active, but more than happy to have a conversation with a total stranger about it (being American helped, I suppose).  After I came clean on my credentials, the real questions presented (with the majority revolving around oral sex in case you were curious).  My only regret was that I wish I had more time and made more friends to further my research on the topic, but in the meantime I was sold.

Maybe I took the third world discrimination, stereotyping a little too far, but in the end, despite the economic state of our hometowns, we shared a common interest that shattered my homesickness and allowed me to express myself in a way I didn’t think I could, in the motherland.

That all being said, I didn’t have sex while I was there.  I was warned about that ahead of time, but it’s nice to know that if I had pursued, I wouldn’t have been shunned.  At least not by everyone.  To my readers in the motherland, email me, I'd love to have a guest blogger or two.