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Stop smothering her, bro. 

Nooner with Nooner

The drought is officially over.  Nooner and I were able to have a real life nooner for a change (the fact that it was at 2pm the day after Valentine’s Day doesn’t really mean anything to me).  I mean I don’t have to tell you that the sex was amazing despite my premature ejaculation (what? It was a long 3 months).  This time I knocked his socks off (only he would get that joke).

It took awhile before he made the move (with an extra heavy episode of SVU playing in the background), but eventually he made a move, trying to convince me that since it was my place, I had to make the move, bro, please, I have enough to worry about.  I wore a cute Miu Miu bra and panty set, not that he noticed, but just goes to show you that lingerie does NOT go a long way. 

I like Nooner because we both have psycho schedules so meeting at noon isn’t out of the ordinary, and in fact preferred.  When physical chemistry is this good, however, I try to see if I can push the envelope, and during our post-coital chitchat, I offered up the idea of going on an actual date (which to me, includes dinner, drinks, and sex).  I find myself doing this whenever I meet someone I have a great physical connection with.  

That being said, I’m kind of surprised that I was even able to get it up for him.  Lately, it’s a session or two and I’m over you, but maybe it’s because I don’t see him that often, and he isn’t trying to be cutsie with me that lets it work for me.  It doesn’t hurt that he’s hot and left me with my legs quivering. 

Nooner is a good guy.  I keep pushing him to find himself a good girl simply because a good guy like him should be with a decent girl.  I also like Nooner because he’s not intimidated by me, and there are few dudes out there that are like that.  I’m sure he’s not perfect, but at this time, a dude like him is all I need.

In any event, if any of you ladies out there are looking for a good guy, I know one.  This one is dedicated to Nooner, who fully satisfied me, without his socks, for Valentine’s Day. 

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She's not too hot about his female friends.

The Other First - **Guest Blogger**

**a piece submitted to @controvershiL, enjoy**

It was 3 in the morning on a humid, summer night. I was sitting in a yellow cab across from this gorgeous, confident black woman with a glowing face, wearing a gold sequined dress revealing her long thin and playful legs, no purse, no past. She leaned toward me and threw her left leg across my lap. She was wearing matching flats. She spoke in a casual voice as if we were chatting it up in a café.

“You seem nervous. Have you been with another woman before?”

My first thought.

‘How the hell did I get here? I must be the luckiest bi-curious girl on earth, because I just landed the hottest girl in the bar.’

Earlier that night, I was hanging out with my surfing buddies when one of them, a dude who I was chasing, tried to branch out and hit on this girl at the bar. From out of nothing, I grew this confidence, and drew from my lips the most badass lines that made her abandon her drink and follow me home. Of course I don’t remember any of it.

Now back in the cab, the sobriety found it’s way back quickly, stripping me of all certainty of anything. Yeah, I’m nervous, but I couldn’t lose my chance of embracing her slip away by being my babbling self.

“Yeah I have, I just don’t believe in PDA.”

Back at my apartment, she retreated to the bathroom and came out naked asking for a towel. I handed her one, but not before squeezing her breasts first. They were much firmer than mine. She showered and I grew bored and tired. It was fucking 3 in the morning. Every few minutes, I took a piece of clothing off while reading a magazine and by the time I was in my panties, she finally emerged.

We lay naked for a while, talking, and I realized her stories contradicted the ones from before. I threw myself on top of her and we made out for a while. Her kisses were slow and in rhythm with mine, something every guy I had been with needed training to accomplish. I reached down to prepare my self-proclaimed signature finger-fucking moves, and she stopped me.

She took charge and rotated us until she was on top and her tongue went straight to my clit. Shaking, jittering, quivering in complete pleasurable agony, I felt the obligation to hold her free hand when I remembered, to let her know that I acknowledged her being responsible for my euphoric state, which she couldn’t possibly have shared. We weren’t fucking each other, together. When there’s oral involved, there’s sacrifice, and the unspoken promise that the eaten will soon eat. We kissed some more, and I knew it was time for me to give her the mind-blowing time I think I promised her at the bar. My trigger fingers reached down, and I was preparing to motion her to come here like a speed-laden metronome until she did.

“No penetration.” She corrected me by pushing my hand away. What? I was shocked by this revealed truth that all girls were different—that the move that gets me to the moon in seconds is shunned away by someone else.

So I went down and tried not to let her know that I had never seen a black pussy before. There was no pink plushy insides—just a monochromatic throbbing, oozy black pussy ready to release…I engorged myself in her world, starting slow, finding my footing until I clicked in and sought patterns within patterns as the metronome ticked faster. She breathed heavier and let out a moan. A fucking fake moan. Of course I recognized it. I’ve done it so many times with the guys I’ve dated. It was the primary reason I decided to start hitting on girls.

“That was…great.” Fucking liar. She threw her head back on the couch and in a moment’s time, she was out cold. I retreated to my bedroom, and the next thing I knew, I was awoken by a stir in the living room. I cracked the door open enough to see a pair of feet stumble out the door when it shut.

Still half asleep, I texted my friend, “dude, I brought a girl home last night. I told you I was bi. You owe me dinner.”

Late into the next morning, I woke up again. Did this really happen? Was I dreaming? I walked into the living room. A pair of gold-sequined flats, size 11, had been left behind. The girl, who arrived in almost nothing had left barefoot en route to Brooklyn.

The beginning.

Rubbing One Out - Lesson 1

I’m not like Samantha in that episode of Sex and the City where she is the Queen Bee of masturbating, but goddamn am I the Queen Bee of masturbating.   I’m actually surprised that I haven’t written about this topic and then this week someone asked me about jerking off and vibrators and I wanted to point them to my blog post and there was none (shocker!).  So instead of ranting and raving about the uselessness of virgins, I’m going to write about masturbation. 

I’m not above touching myself to get off.  And I hate when people call it “touching yourself”.  I’m not so much touching as I am rubbing.  Clit stimulation is easy, but you don’t want to rub one out in five minutes (I mean unless you got somewhere to be in which case, I completely understand).  Remember that there are two ways of getting off, clitorally and vaginally, so get your life together before you dive into attempting to get yourself off on either one.

Needless to say, you can’t just jump in if you aren’t in the mood, so make sure you go in there stress free and horny.  The easiest route to go is clitorally.  Right, so depending on how much time you have, there are a number of ways to do this.  Vibrators are the obvious choice, but since some of you aren’t as blessed as me, I’m going to offer some tips on how to do this.  First, figure out how much time you have.  If you have the afternoon, you are luckier than me, so set yourself up.  Have a glass of wine and don’t just go for the win. 

There is an area above the clitoris known as the clitoral hood.  If you place a finger there and offer varying degrees of pressure, which allows you to increase or decrease the amount of time you have.  Plus this keeps your pussy clean because I know damn well you didn’t clean your hands.  If you don’t have a lot of time and I suspect plenty of you are urbanites that don’t.  Just go straight for the gold.  Figure eights are your best bet with medium pressure.  You do it right; you’ll get off within five minutes.  

Hitting your g-spot is something I can’t offer any advice for you on.  This is simply because you have to find it yourself.  Fingering your self is a better method to find your g-spot than using a vibrator, but either way, you’ll need time to find it and it won’t just happen over night (nothing like a clitoral stimulation).  Speaking of vibrators….

So if you know me, I’m not pro vibrator.  I always used to say that there was no point in getting off if there isn’t anyone in your bed helping you.  But, then I broke up with my boyfriend and found that it’s not always possible to have a dude in your bedroom at all times (and trust me, kidnapping them has only worked so many times).  So I stepped into the world of sex toys for the first time at age 24, right in the heartland of all things show stopping, New York City.

I bought my first vibrator at a shitty sex shop on Saint Marks street with my friends Wayne and Toby.  Wayne wanted to get something for his then girlfriend, and I was just there for the ride.  On second thought however, I was in the middle of a drought and ended up buying the same vibrator Wayne bought.  Looking back, I was such a fucking amateur.  That was the shittiest vibrator ever.  Sure it was cheap, but it was a clit stimulator and they literally can only go so far. 

It broke within two weeks.  Thankfully, by then, I’d started a steady stream of sex worthy dudes in my life so the incentive to get a new one was pretty low.  I managed to find myself in the Lower East side one afternoon and decided to browse the famed sex toyshop, Babeland.  They offer a wide array of vibrators, from clit stimulators, to dildos, to life like dicks ripe for the riding. 

I first purchased a Lelo Lily for a friend of mine.  I thought she would appreciate it, because you could just put it on your clit, literally lie back, and do something else (read a book, watch TV).  It’s the lazy person’s vibrator, and highly recommended if all you want is a clit stimulator.  I purchased for myself a Lelo Ina, which I like because it’s a G-spot stimulator, but it also has a dual clit stimulator, which by god, is genius!  You can’t go wrong with Lelo.  They’re the Chanel of the vibrator world.  I also own a Hitachi.  I think every woman needs to own a Hitachi.  They are durable and classic.  And you can use it as a legitimate massager as well (just clean that shit before you do it). 

Hey, don’t take my advice.  Plenty of women get off in their own methods that work better than mine.  We’re all created a little different so my figure eights might not work for you (try figure nines, those shits are crazy!).  So, ladies, leave some of your own methods and favorite sex toys, would love to get some idea of what my readers are into.  Plus, I want to experiment with a few other methods, so I'll be sure to report back.

This one is dedicated to my sister.  Happy Birthday, baby!

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Living situations in a relationship.