I’m one horny motherfucker. I’m glued to my television, watching CNN, and growing increasingly restless at the thought of being stuck indoors because of this stupid storm. And all I want is someone to come over to keep me occupied before I lose my mind (I mean, too late for that).
So my mind wanders to about a few weeks ago, when I agreed to go on a date with a friend of a friend, who I’ll call “Nooner” for obvious reasons. Nooner and I had a lot in common so we were able to sustain conversation for the entire duration of our standard drinks and dinner. After we were thoroughly imbibed, I invited him over to really just shoot the shit (but truth be told, if I invite you over, you pretty much win). And really, you can guess what happened next.
It got me thinking about having sex on a first date. If you are anything like me (and god help you if you are), there is no such thing as waiting for a second date to have sex. But of course, I’m a psychotic exception, so I posed the question to my esteemed colleagues and loyal twitter followers. And true to form, I received arguments for both sides of the story.
I can talk about sexual compatibility for days on end, because that’s really what it comes down to. Sexual compatibility is just as important as emotional compatibility, if not more so. If you are going to sit down and have a conversation with a potential mate to see if you are emotionally compatible, why not see where the night ends up and perhaps turn it into a fuck fest in your bedroom.
I mean I guess I just don’t understand the counter argument. There’s a stigma around having sex on the first date. Mostly with females, but in some occasions with males too. People want to foster a relationship and make sure they are compatible before giving it all up. I mean I get it, but does no one believe in the idea of sexual compatibility? I’m not by any means saying that you should just meet someone and have sex, but I don’t think you should hold yourself back if the chemistry is there.
From what I gather, males think to tend think a female is easy if she sleeps with him on a first date. Fine. But why does it have such a negative connotation? The girl is just trying to see if she’s compatible. Why not be easy? Or for that matter, why not be fast? Is it really so demeaning?
Males always have an easier time with sex on a first date because they are always ready to go. I mean, I’m generalizing, but if there is a male out there who doesn’t feel that way, he’s being weeded out (and I dare you to prove me wrong). Males are always willing to have sex on a first date, they’re just trying to spread their seed around, so it’s natural, primal, all that other shit I preach to world’s end.
Back to Nooner, I had sex with him on the first night I met him, shamelessly and damn was it good. If you know me at all, I hate dating. I think it’s archaic and unnatural, but hey I’m also being evolutionarily weeded out. Anyway, I’d be interested in keeping Nooner around for a bit (despite his 7 inches), if he’d ever return my propositions (clearly I’m hoping he’ll read this and get the hint).
Truth be told, if I was into dating, I might give Nooner a chance. But he might just end up thinking I’m easy.
Sunday, August 28
Saturday, August 27
Saturday, August 20
The Importance of Coming
Orgasms are evolutionarily evolved. So when someone tells me that they are overrated, I flip my shit. I mean, lets forget for a second that I have anger management issues. Male or female, who in their right mind would forgo the epic sensation that is the orgasm? Have you read my recent post how there is no point in having sex if you aren’t going to orgasm? It’s biologically and physically necessary.
So I posed this question to my increasingly sex hungry colleagues. Is an orgasm really necessary in a coital relationship? The response was overwhelming. Under no circumstance should a person deny himself or herself an orgasm. Now there are always the exceptions to the rule. Some people (a VERY small percentage) are not even physically capable of having an orgasm while others have never even experienced one.
That all being said while I’m not an advocate of having sex without an orgasm, I can understand the justification of someone faking an orgasm (and I’m not just talking about females here, males have also been known to fake an ejaculation). Faking an orgasm is actually one of the most primitive mate retention tactics. The evolutionary basis behind an orgasm is the mechanism it provides in propelling the sperm up to the uterine wall (both male and female orgasms are evolved in this method). A woman’s vagina contracts allowing fluids to flow into her uterus, while a male’s “squirting” ejaculation is meant to propel sperm to the uterus. Hand in hand, sperm to egg is such an easy task to overcome. Luckily for us, it is one of the most pleasurable experiences in life, if not the MOST pleasurable.
Going back to mate retention, it’s a female’s primal duty to ensure her mate doesn’t stray to some other random red-head broad down the street. To ensure he doesn’t inseminate another female and expend his resources elsewhere. However, if a woman isn’t achieving orgasm, it decreases her chances of procreating so she will go elsewhere to find a mate who will appropriately “squirt” into her. Conversely, if a male can’t get off, he’ll go elsewhere to find a more pleasurable mate (and honestly that female usually ends up being me).
This sexual incompatibility will result in mate retention problems (i.e. cheating, cuckoldry, etc). And all because of a measly orgasm. Not so overrated, don’t you think? So look, I get what she’s trying to say. She has a lot in common with this guy, they get along, he can provide for her and her prerogative, he holds her hand, yada yada yada, but the bottom line is if he can’t get her off, the relationship is doomed.
Furthermore, there is no reason to fake an orgasm. You fake it once, you’ll fake it for the rest of your time with your mate until you break up or cheat. Sex is the root of life. There is a biological basis behind the pleasure involved in the orgasm and if you can’t achieve it, there is really no point in the act itself. The orgasm isn’t by any means overrated. It’s a tool, a mechanism in the process of procreation.
I haven’t had the need (knock on wood) to EVER fake an orgasm. I have been blessed (and perhaps cursed) to be able to finish fast and often. That being said, I’m still single, and it goes to show you that sexual compatibility is just part of the bigger picture.
That was certainly a mouthful. Time to rub one out.
So I posed this question to my increasingly sex hungry colleagues. Is an orgasm really necessary in a coital relationship? The response was overwhelming. Under no circumstance should a person deny himself or herself an orgasm. Now there are always the exceptions to the rule. Some people (a VERY small percentage) are not even physically capable of having an orgasm while others have never even experienced one.
That all being said while I’m not an advocate of having sex without an orgasm, I can understand the justification of someone faking an orgasm (and I’m not just talking about females here, males have also been known to fake an ejaculation). Faking an orgasm is actually one of the most primitive mate retention tactics. The evolutionary basis behind an orgasm is the mechanism it provides in propelling the sperm up to the uterine wall (both male and female orgasms are evolved in this method). A woman’s vagina contracts allowing fluids to flow into her uterus, while a male’s “squirting” ejaculation is meant to propel sperm to the uterus. Hand in hand, sperm to egg is such an easy task to overcome. Luckily for us, it is one of the most pleasurable experiences in life, if not the MOST pleasurable.
Going back to mate retention, it’s a female’s primal duty to ensure her mate doesn’t stray to some other random red-head broad down the street. To ensure he doesn’t inseminate another female and expend his resources elsewhere. However, if a woman isn’t achieving orgasm, it decreases her chances of procreating so she will go elsewhere to find a mate who will appropriately “squirt” into her. Conversely, if a male can’t get off, he’ll go elsewhere to find a more pleasurable mate (and honestly that female usually ends up being me).
This sexual incompatibility will result in mate retention problems (i.e. cheating, cuckoldry, etc). And all because of a measly orgasm. Not so overrated, don’t you think? So look, I get what she’s trying to say. She has a lot in common with this guy, they get along, he can provide for her and her prerogative, he holds her hand, yada yada yada, but the bottom line is if he can’t get her off, the relationship is doomed.
Furthermore, there is no reason to fake an orgasm. You fake it once, you’ll fake it for the rest of your time with your mate until you break up or cheat. Sex is the root of life. There is a biological basis behind the pleasure involved in the orgasm and if you can’t achieve it, there is really no point in the act itself. The orgasm isn’t by any means overrated. It’s a tool, a mechanism in the process of procreation.
I haven’t had the need (knock on wood) to EVER fake an orgasm. I have been blessed (and perhaps cursed) to be able to finish fast and often. That being said, I’m still single, and it goes to show you that sexual compatibility is just part of the bigger picture.
That was certainly a mouthful. Time to rub one out.
Thursday, August 18
My Latest Post on TwoMangoes.com
Alternative, fresh, new approach to dating, join twomangoes.com.
While you are at it, check out my latest post on jealousy!
While you are at it, check out my latest post on jealousy!
Tuesday, August 16
Alone in Manhattan
Please find an intriguing piece written by a friend of mine published on sikhchic.com!
Sunday, August 14
My Latest Post on TwoMangoes.com
If you are south Asian and single and not already a member, join twomangoes.com.
While you are at it, check out my latest post on interracial dating!
While you are at it, check out my latest post on interracial dating!
Saturday, August 13
School Girl Fantasy
Sex in school. This week, the New York City public school system has put into effect a new mandate requiring sex education classes at city public schools. If you don’t have an opinion, you should get one. Almost 10% of females in this city’s public high school system are pregnant. That’s actually a pretty high statistic. 20 years ago, our open-minded city shut down the sex education program as a result of heavy opposition from the city and of course overzealous religious groups (I feel very close to Dan Savage at this moment).
I’m as open about my sexuality as Margo Wilson (god rest her soul, the mother of human sexuality). I’m very sex-positive, and I’m always striving for people to explore their sexuality and go out of their comfort zones. On a completely separate note, I volunteer. I volunteer 8am to 5pm every Saturday from September to June. The kids I work with are mostly girls aged 8 to 14. Over the course of five years, I’ve lost two girls to pregnancy.
Ten years ago, when I was in high school, I had the sex ed course. Pregnant girls were shunned and everyone avoided eyes with them. It’s 2011 and the number of pregnant teenagers has not only increased, but become glorified in the form of movies and tv (Juno and those teen pregnancy shows on MTV). Girls are making “pregnancy pacts” to ensure all their children grow up together. Seriously?
Going back to the sex ed mandate, I’ve posed the question to several people of all shapes, colors, and sizes. I received pretty much the same answer (and why wouldn’t I, living in this blue city), in that sex ed absolutely should be integrated into the public school system. Students, from middle school on, should be “schooled” on the ins and outs of sex and sexuality. They should know the proper names of their genitalia and how to put on a condom. They should have fear instilled into them regarding the risk of STDs and the downfalls of pregnancy at such a young age.
I know I sound preachy, but given the two girls I’ve lost to not being schooled in the ways of the sexual world, I have the right to be a little peeved. Now look, there are plenty of cons to introducing sex into the still-developing minds of our future. Introducing sex might just push them off the edge, giving them a reason to their promiscuity. Obviously I’m sex positive, and I’m supportive of matured people exploring their sexuality and sexual identify. That being said, as long as the consequences are made VERY clear, there is no reason not to have sex ed as a mandate in the schools.
I waited till I was 22 to have sex, mainly because I was scared of getting pregnant. Even the idea of birth control was no reason for me to spread my legs. Even now, I track my ovulation very carefully, always use a condom (the truth is, I’ve never done it raw…cue all of your jaws dropping), and get tested at least once a month. There is nothing as too safe (except of course no sex, which I do NOT condone).
Not only are human beings evolving, but also sex and sexuality are evolving. New ideas are sprouting in (and out of the bedroom). People are exploring sexuality, sexual identity, and orientation now more than ever, and it’s just going to increase as we continue to evolve. I can’t support a generation that is literally devolving from the strong career-driven woman of the 21st century.
The sex ed mandate is a very controversial topic and I’ve heard very strong support for it. What I’ve failed to hear is the strong support against it, and I know it’s out there. So, I pose the question out there. If you are not in favor of the new sex ed mandate in the NYC school system, please tell me why and how you think the high rate of teen pregnancies is affected by it.
I dedicate this post to the two girls I lost to pregnancy. I’m not sure what’s going on with them at this point in their life, but I hope they are safe and above all, happy.
I’m as open about my sexuality as Margo Wilson (god rest her soul, the mother of human sexuality). I’m very sex-positive, and I’m always striving for people to explore their sexuality and go out of their comfort zones. On a completely separate note, I volunteer. I volunteer 8am to 5pm every Saturday from September to June. The kids I work with are mostly girls aged 8 to 14. Over the course of five years, I’ve lost two girls to pregnancy.
Ten years ago, when I was in high school, I had the sex ed course. Pregnant girls were shunned and everyone avoided eyes with them. It’s 2011 and the number of pregnant teenagers has not only increased, but become glorified in the form of movies and tv (Juno and those teen pregnancy shows on MTV). Girls are making “pregnancy pacts” to ensure all their children grow up together. Seriously?
Going back to the sex ed mandate, I’ve posed the question to several people of all shapes, colors, and sizes. I received pretty much the same answer (and why wouldn’t I, living in this blue city), in that sex ed absolutely should be integrated into the public school system. Students, from middle school on, should be “schooled” on the ins and outs of sex and sexuality. They should know the proper names of their genitalia and how to put on a condom. They should have fear instilled into them regarding the risk of STDs and the downfalls of pregnancy at such a young age.
I know I sound preachy, but given the two girls I’ve lost to not being schooled in the ways of the sexual world, I have the right to be a little peeved. Now look, there are plenty of cons to introducing sex into the still-developing minds of our future. Introducing sex might just push them off the edge, giving them a reason to their promiscuity. Obviously I’m sex positive, and I’m supportive of matured people exploring their sexuality and sexual identify. That being said, as long as the consequences are made VERY clear, there is no reason not to have sex ed as a mandate in the schools.
I waited till I was 22 to have sex, mainly because I was scared of getting pregnant. Even the idea of birth control was no reason for me to spread my legs. Even now, I track my ovulation very carefully, always use a condom (the truth is, I’ve never done it raw…cue all of your jaws dropping), and get tested at least once a month. There is nothing as too safe (except of course no sex, which I do NOT condone).
Not only are human beings evolving, but also sex and sexuality are evolving. New ideas are sprouting in (and out of the bedroom). People are exploring sexuality, sexual identity, and orientation now more than ever, and it’s just going to increase as we continue to evolve. I can’t support a generation that is literally devolving from the strong career-driven woman of the 21st century.
The sex ed mandate is a very controversial topic and I’ve heard very strong support for it. What I’ve failed to hear is the strong support against it, and I know it’s out there. So, I pose the question out there. If you are not in favor of the new sex ed mandate in the NYC school system, please tell me why and how you think the high rate of teen pregnancies is affected by it.
I dedicate this post to the two girls I lost to pregnancy. I’m not sure what’s going on with them at this point in their life, but I hope they are safe and above all, happy.
Friday, August 5
I Make 'Em Bust Quick
I always say that there is no point of having sex unless you have an orgasm. I’ve been doing this twitter guy, JB, who has left me pretty satisfied, but I mean, you’re always going to have that one night when he finishes too fast, and that’s when I go psycho on a dude's ass (could be a reason why I’ve been highly agitated this week…hmm). I feel like there’s nothing he can do to make it up to me. I posed this question to my friend, Pina, and she agrees,
"...fingering and oral sex doesn't make up for premature ejaculation...”
I have biological theories about the “premature ejaculation” that I won’t go into today. I mean it’s happened with every guy I’ve slept with and every guy in general (and those numbers are actually pretty close). In all seriousness though, it’s always the same story. Girls hate it and men are embarrassed by it. So how do we recover from it?
It’s like how Pina puts it; even a perfect anatomically correct model in the form of one of those vibrators I so adeptly broke cannot make up for a live dick. It’s just the way it is. Not to mention if you are wet as a river, getting pounded from behind, with your hair being pulled off your scalp—and then BAM. He finishes, and you’re so fucking frustrated, you punch the dude in his balls (based on a true story).
That’s not to say that men don’t have their own frustrations. Blue balls are a common phenomenon, (although I have yet to see or taste an actual pair of blue scrotum), and I suspect it’s the same idea. Men are so worked up to get off, and for whatever reason, they don’t, and want to punch a girl in her ovaries (Is that from a movie? It sounds familiar).
Okay, back to PE. I mean there’s nothing that can be done. You have to go with the flow, hope for the best that he’ll be roaring to go in 5, 10, or 30 minutes. I do want to take this time to discuss the Coolidge effect. You can google why it got that name, but I’ll talk about what it is. Standard copulation includes a male who ejaculates into a female and then takes time to get it up again (which is sometimes frustrating for us females). However, the theory behind the Coolidge effect is that if female-1 steps out of the room, post coitus, female-2 can come in and the male will immediately be ready to go again. Did I make that clear?
Because he’s already inseminated one female, he would be biologically ready to go again in another female who he hasn’t already inseminated (and in turn perpetuated his gene pool). Now, unfortunately, we haven’t been able to have a controlled setting to test this theory in humans (I’ve actually looked into doing a study for this, email me if you want to know what happened with my grant submission), but it was first observed in chickens (with Calvin Coolidge) and then taken into the lab with rats.
The data is pretty amazing surrounding the Coolidge effect theory, and quite honestly, I’d love to test it out. I think we’ve come a far way from my story about PE, but we’re still talking ejaculation, so it’s still relevant.
I haven’t had the worst luck with guys who have prematurely ejaculated (which is strange considering my tagline is “I Make ‘Em Bust Quick”). I think I’ve managed to pick out guys who I know can handle. But that’s not to say there isn’t a way around a dude who busts quick.
First of all, virgins are ALWAYS more susceptible to finishing fast, so I avoid them at all costs (not to mention they get clingy as hell, please also read previous post entitled “There’s A First Time For Everything” regarding how to avoid a PE with a virgin).
Virgins aren’t the only ones that finish fast. Some guys just have bad days, and you don’t realize it’s going to happen. However, there are some guys who are just always going to finish fast. Based on research I’ve done (i.e. asking my friends who are just about all male), jerking off regularly is one of the best ways to avoid prematurely ejaculating. I wonder about the term regularly. On average, I rub one out once a day, but from what I understand, it’s a higher rate for males. Whatever the average masturbation rate is for males is what I recommend, not just for guys having PE problems, but also for all dudes in general. Masturbation is underrated.
In any event, I’ve offered some advice on how to avoid the PE in prior posts, but I’d be really interested in hearing what some of you do to avoid busting quick. Ladies, do you have any special techniques that keep your trysts from finishing before you’re ready?
I dedicate this post to twitter guy, JB, whose small dick and one PE still manages to make me laugh. (Relax; I’m not in love with him).
(Editor's Note: I posed an off topic question to my twitter followers about a separate entry regarding the necessity/enjoyment of an orgasm. One of my followers made a very good point in that the PE is tied to a woman's a. inability to achieve orgasm, and b. a lower desire to achieve one. I just thought I'd share as it ties into the PE discussion above. Please see future blog post on orgasms for more on the topic)
"...fingering and oral sex doesn't make up for premature ejaculation...”
I have biological theories about the “premature ejaculation” that I won’t go into today. I mean it’s happened with every guy I’ve slept with and every guy in general (and those numbers are actually pretty close). In all seriousness though, it’s always the same story. Girls hate it and men are embarrassed by it. So how do we recover from it?
It’s like how Pina puts it; even a perfect anatomically correct model in the form of one of those vibrators I so adeptly broke cannot make up for a live dick. It’s just the way it is. Not to mention if you are wet as a river, getting pounded from behind, with your hair being pulled off your scalp—and then BAM. He finishes, and you’re so fucking frustrated, you punch the dude in his balls (based on a true story).
That’s not to say that men don’t have their own frustrations. Blue balls are a common phenomenon, (although I have yet to see or taste an actual pair of blue scrotum), and I suspect it’s the same idea. Men are so worked up to get off, and for whatever reason, they don’t, and want to punch a girl in her ovaries (Is that from a movie? It sounds familiar).
Okay, back to PE. I mean there’s nothing that can be done. You have to go with the flow, hope for the best that he’ll be roaring to go in 5, 10, or 30 minutes. I do want to take this time to discuss the Coolidge effect. You can google why it got that name, but I’ll talk about what it is. Standard copulation includes a male who ejaculates into a female and then takes time to get it up again (which is sometimes frustrating for us females). However, the theory behind the Coolidge effect is that if female-1 steps out of the room, post coitus, female-2 can come in and the male will immediately be ready to go again. Did I make that clear?
Because he’s already inseminated one female, he would be biologically ready to go again in another female who he hasn’t already inseminated (and in turn perpetuated his gene pool). Now, unfortunately, we haven’t been able to have a controlled setting to test this theory in humans (I’ve actually looked into doing a study for this, email me if you want to know what happened with my grant submission), but it was first observed in chickens (with Calvin Coolidge) and then taken into the lab with rats.
The data is pretty amazing surrounding the Coolidge effect theory, and quite honestly, I’d love to test it out. I think we’ve come a far way from my story about PE, but we’re still talking ejaculation, so it’s still relevant.
I haven’t had the worst luck with guys who have prematurely ejaculated (which is strange considering my tagline is “I Make ‘Em Bust Quick”). I think I’ve managed to pick out guys who I know can handle. But that’s not to say there isn’t a way around a dude who busts quick.
First of all, virgins are ALWAYS more susceptible to finishing fast, so I avoid them at all costs (not to mention they get clingy as hell, please also read previous post entitled “There’s A First Time For Everything” regarding how to avoid a PE with a virgin).
Virgins aren’t the only ones that finish fast. Some guys just have bad days, and you don’t realize it’s going to happen. However, there are some guys who are just always going to finish fast. Based on research I’ve done (i.e. asking my friends who are just about all male), jerking off regularly is one of the best ways to avoid prematurely ejaculating. I wonder about the term regularly. On average, I rub one out once a day, but from what I understand, it’s a higher rate for males. Whatever the average masturbation rate is for males is what I recommend, not just for guys having PE problems, but also for all dudes in general. Masturbation is underrated.
In any event, I’ve offered some advice on how to avoid the PE in prior posts, but I’d be really interested in hearing what some of you do to avoid busting quick. Ladies, do you have any special techniques that keep your trysts from finishing before you’re ready?
I dedicate this post to twitter guy, JB, whose small dick and one PE still manages to make me laugh. (Relax; I’m not in love with him).
(Editor's Note: I posed an off topic question to my twitter followers about a separate entry regarding the necessity/enjoyment of an orgasm. One of my followers made a very good point in that the PE is tied to a woman's a. inability to achieve orgasm, and b. a lower desire to achieve one. I just thought I'd share as it ties into the PE discussion above. Please see future blog post on orgasms for more on the topic)
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