Spank Me

I asked this guy out on a date once.  We went to this fancy noodle house, which was actually pretty sexy.  Afterwards, I invited him back to my place with no real intention of sleeping with him (with every intention of sleeping with him on the second date).  After some serious 2^nd base action, I kicked him out with a 2^nd date scheduled.  Post 2^nd date, I went back to his place, a cute Brooklyn railroad style apartment where I wasted no time stripping naked and jumping into bed with him.  The sex was pretty much the best I’ve ever had, but not without a “WTF” moment. 

What’s up with dudes and wanting to spank you?  I was going to say, “I don’t get it”, but then I realized I’d be a hypocrite, because I don’t mind being spanked.  The problem I had in this situation was that he didn’t even warn me.  It kind of came out of nowhere. (And thank goodness he only knew a pre-boxing controvershiL, because dude would have been left with a hard right on his high cheek bones)

I’m totally into S&M, but spanking someone does NOT put you in charge.  In fact, if it comes out of nowhere, then it just makes you like a pansy ass that is afraid to divulge his inner most desires. 

Back to S&M, I’m totally into domination.  I like being in charge.  I know what I want, I know what I like, and I’m not afraid to tell it how it is (as if that wasn’t obvious).  And doms like me are into guys who know how to take charge.  The problem is that they are far and few in between. 

I think it’s kind of cool to relate to this my life in general.  I’m a take-charge kind of person.  I do what I want, when I want, without any shame or worry about the consequence.  And perhaps that isn’t the way it should be, but confidence can take you everywhere.  And I don’t want to push this post into how confidence is what makes the world go around, but it really is, and frankly, whether you are a dom or a sub, all you need is confidence to make it work.

And while I like playing by my rules, I can totally accept a guy who will step up to the plate and try and take charge.  In fact, he doesn’t even need to warn me if he isn’t just going to be a pansy ass spanker.  I know that kind of sounds hypocritical, but it’s the truth.  Some dudes know how to “take it”.  While others just play like they can. 

So readers, I would like to pose the question to you.  Are you a dom or sub?  What are some of the things you like to do in the S&M world?  Do you prefer your better half taking charge in bed?  And the most important question of all, are you a spanker?

Dedicated to my one true love, who took care of my while I was sick this weekend, Scandal. 

My Latest Post on TwoMangoes.com

There's nothing wrong with you.

No Sex in the Champagne Room...or Any Room

Been pretty cranky lately.  Could be due to lack of sex.  Sure it was my own decision, but I’m feeling the effects of it and more so on my mood than anything else.  People ask me why I’m doing it and the only thing I can say is that it’s something I need to do.  Just need to be sober for a while.  And while the first month was atrocious with restless nights, this past month hasn’t been so bad with the exception of my blatant crankiness/bitchiness. 

It got me thinking about some of my friends who are attached.  Who are either in a committed relationship or flat out married.  Some of these very people have reached out to me divulging that they in fact are living a lie in the relationship.  They are putting on the front that they are in a great relationship and that life is all great, but in the shadows of the background, they are living one of the scariest predicaments one can have, a sexless relationship.

I hate to say that sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but I’m feeling a little bit more open-minded lately, so I’ll go with it for the purposes of this piece.  Sex isn’t everything.  I get it, but it is something.  The first time you meet someone, you are attracted to him or her.  There is something about them that attracts you to them, which is a physical reaction, which we are created to act upon.

So then when does the emotional connection become so strong that the lack of a physical reaction bears nothing on the foundation of the relationship?  I find it hard to believe that there is a fear instilled that if they broke it off that they wouldn’t be able to find someone.  Have relationships become that diluted?  That you have to put on a show to keep society happy?

What about my married friends who have kids and are no longer having sex?  Is it that their schedules are too packed to make time for each other?  Or has the physical attraction just died since the purpose of mating has been completed?  It’s kind of a sad thought and more prevalent that you might think.

Then I wonder if there are people on the other side of the spectrum because if there are, I haven’t met them.  People who are only in relationship filled with physical attraction and sex where there is no emotional connection, feelings, or the like.  While I fully believe that one can have emotional-less sex, I don’t see a relationship evolving from it.  In fact, I don’t think “relationship” can be defined as 100% physical or 100% emotional.

If someone asked me what I would do in this situation, the answer would be easy.  I’d leave.  Biologically, you need a healthy dose of emotional and physical attractiveness for any relationship to take.  And I don’t believe that physical attraction can just die (unless you count having kids, which I mention above, and will need to take another blog entry to discuss). 

So I want to pose the question out there to the blog world.   Do you think it is appropriate to stay in a sex-less (physical-less) relationship?  Would you do it?  Why or why not?  Do you think you can have a “relationship” that is based solely on sex?  Would you consider that a relationship?  What kind of advice would you give to those who are in these situations?

Undercover Hos

I struggle to make sense of people who can’t own up to their inner slut, like those girls who will sleep with anything and everything or those guys you know get so much fucking play because their hot as a mother fuck (like MBB from college, who coincidentally is now engaged!).  But they don’t own it.  It’s a secret, and you know damn well we talk about them behind their backs in hushed voices, while I’m silently shunning them from the “Getting Yours” brotherhood (see me for details and initiation package).

I knew this girl in high school who would sleep around with everyone.  She wouldn’t own it, but I don’t think she cared what people thought about her.  Either that or she didn’t know what people thought.   Looking back, I realize that I may have judged her.  But I’m basically living her life right now and fully respect her choices and the fun she must have had. 

Then I knew this girl in college who penetrated (best word EVER!) our friend circle and tried to sleep with everyone in it (including Christoph), only one of which bit, who later was more than heart broken.  I actually used to like her, even respected her for her boldness, up until she did that. 

Sure, I slept with Toby and Christoph, who were both at one point friends or cool or whatever college guys are with one another, but I never thought about the ramifications about it until recently.  Until I started pushing 30 and realizing that my insecurities from then would NOT fly in this day and age.

So, I’ve had sex with plenty of my friends.  In fact, many of the guys I’m friends with now are guys I’ve slept with in the past.  (It’s kind of like how I initiate you into my friend circle.)  In any event, I didn't think I'd see most of these guys after I banged them.  It was kind of like a hit it, leave it, over it kind of deal, but lucky for me, I got a friendship out of it (I mean, mostly because I’m awesome, but who knows).

Leaving college has kind of changed my mentality, because at this point in time, I have several friends that I’ve yet to sleep with and frankly don’t really want to.  I suspect the sex would be great, and my friendship wouldn't be ruined or anything, but I just prefer not to compare them to some meaningless sex I have outside of the circle and I’m just secure enough with myself to make and keep a friendship without the hit it quit it clause. 

Does that make sense?  What I’m trying to get at is that we’re at a point in our life where you can’t get away with the shit you used to.  Go ahead and sleep with the person you meet in the lounge at the Coffeeshop on Saturday, but don’t try and sleep with the friend you grew up with or try to sleep with a friend circle or anything of the like.  It’s bad practice, and frankly a clear sign of insecurities. 

Trying to find the one girl or guy who will fall for your bullshit just so you can get what you want out of the situation.  Get the fuck out of here.  No one appreciates that shit.  Get over yourself, your insecurities, your low self-esteem, and get a new hobby.  We’re almost 30 and everyone can pick up on your bullshit.

I spoke with several colleagues about this subject.  People are certainly judgmental of people who are out to get theirs (present company included).  Sleeping around is not exactly rewarded, but sleeping around in a circle of friends, and further not owning up to it, is just plain bullshit.   

Just own up to the fact you are trying to get yours and the dudes will come flocking.  Trying to be an undercover slut will just give you the reputation you aren’t trying to have.  Don’t be that person.  Look amongst yourselves.  I wouldn’t write about this if I didn’t see it.  Although, you probably don’t read this, so it will be lost on you. 

Dedicated to my two non @ buddies.  You know who you are (clichéd, I know, but whatever).    Also dedicated to Toby who was a “down low ho” in college, we all knew, and talked about it all the time ;). 

My Latest Post on TwoMangoes.com

You are NOT a loser. 

Single and Scared

Here’s the problem.  The weather is getting warmer, and girls are breaking up with their winter boyfriends, and single guys are running wild and free just aching to get into my bedroom.  The problem is that I have taken a vow of celibacy until further notice so I’m trying to avoid any temptation.  Not that I see any since no one seems to be capturing my interest lately.

So, let’s talk about relationships and how more often than not, like these cold weather hook-ups, they don’t last.  These days, divorce rates are around 50% and the more I talk to people in my age group, the higher the fear of commitment.  More recently, I’ve been talking to several people, both male and female, who are recently single, separated, or divorced.  And the fear of going back out there is highly prevalent.

Not to mention, my 30-something friends who are still single simply because they don’t want to end up single, separated, or divorced.  It’s sad but at the same time, it’s understandable.  The one thing I can’t stand is the stigma associated with having an ex.  Sure it’s kind of crazy and baggage-y when a partner brings up the ex-files, but is it really that big a deal.  So, s/he was in a relationship, and so it didn’t work.  What the hell does that have to do with you?  Not a goddamn thing.  And you have to keep telling yourself that anytime you wonder about his/her past life, because it has nothing to do with you. 

Those of you who have had relationships that have ended, whether you were dating or married, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there again.  It might take awhile, sure, but don’t judge every future relationship based on the one that didn’t work.  They are out there.  Don’t just shut the idea out.  Whether you want to believe or not, emotions are harder than you think to control. 

And what’s wrong with a guy or a girl who was in a long-term relationship and left because they realize it wasn’t going to work?  I must say I respect these brave souls the most.  Not only did they take the risk of exclusivity, but also they were mature enough and strong enough to get out of a shitty situation.  How can you not be attracted to something like that? 

With that being said, I’m feeling a lot better about keeping my own mind open about the possibility that I might have found someone who I can relate to.  I’m definitely having an internal struggle dealing with a new kind of emotion that I’m feeling on top of my daily bouts of anxiety and panic attacks.  I’m not scared of it. 

Riddled with grammar mistakes, rambling dialogues, and sporadic curses, this one is dedicated to you.  I’d say, “you know who you are”, but that sounds stupid and clichéd.  So instead, I’ll say, I know who you are. 

My Latest Post on TwoMangoes.com

To live with or without?