I’m not like Samantha in that episode of Sex and the City
where she is the Queen Bee of masturbating, but goddamn am I the Queen Bee of masturbating. I’m actually
surprised that I haven’t written about this topic and then this week someone
asked me about jerking off and vibrators and I wanted to point them to my blog post and there
was none (shocker!). So instead of
ranting and raving about the uselessness of virgins, I’m going to write about
masturbation.
I’m not above touching myself to get off. And I hate when people call it
“touching yourself”. I’m not so
much touching as I am rubbing.
Clit stimulation is easy, but you don’t want to rub one out in five
minutes (I mean unless you got somewhere to be in which case, I completely
understand). Remember that there
are two ways of getting off, clitorally and vaginally, so get your life
together before you dive into attempting to get yourself off on either one.
Needless to say, you can’t just jump in if you aren’t in the
mood, so make sure you go in there stress free and horny. The easiest route to go is
clitorally. Right, so depending on
how much time you have, there are a number of ways to do this. Vibrators are the obvious choice, but since
some of you aren’t as blessed as me, I’m going to offer some tips on how to do this. First, figure out how much time you
have. If you have the afternoon,
you are luckier than me, so set yourself up. Have a glass of wine and don’t just go for the win.
There is an area above the clitoris known as the clitoral
hood. If you place a finger there
and offer varying degrees of pressure, which allows you to increase or decrease
the amount of time you have. Plus
this keeps your pussy clean because I know damn well you didn’t clean your
hands. If you don’t have a lot of
time and I suspect plenty of you are urbanites that don’t. Just go straight for the gold. Figure eights are your best bet with
medium pressure. You do it right;
you’ll get off within five minutes.
Hitting your g-spot is something I can’t offer any advice
for you on. This is simply because
you have to find it yourself. Fingering
your self is a better method to find your g-spot than using a vibrator, but
either way, you’ll need time to find it and it won’t just happen over night
(nothing like a clitoral stimulation).
Speaking of vibrators….
So if you know me, I’m not pro vibrator. I always used to say that there was no
point in getting off if there isn’t anyone in your bed helping you. But, then I broke up with my boyfriend
and found that it’s not always possible to have a dude in your bedroom at all
times (and trust me, kidnapping them has only worked so many times). So I stepped into the world of sex toys
for the first time at age 24, right in the heartland of all things show stopping,
New York City.
I bought my first vibrator at a shitty sex shop on Saint
Marks street with my friends Wayne and Toby. Wayne wanted to get something for his then girlfriend, and I
was just there for the ride. On
second thought however, I was in the middle of a drought and ended up buying
the same vibrator Wayne bought. Looking
back, I was such a fucking amateur.
That was the shittiest vibrator ever. Sure it was cheap, but it was a clit stimulator and they
literally can only go so far.
It broke within two weeks. Thankfully, by then, I’d started a steady stream of sex
worthy dudes in my life so the incentive to get a new one was pretty low. I managed to find myself in the Lower
East side one afternoon and decided to browse the famed sex toyshop, Babeland. They offer a wide array of vibrators,
from clit stimulators, to dildos, to life like dicks ripe for the riding.
I first purchased a Lelo Lily for a friend of mine. I thought she would appreciate it,
because you could just put it on your clit, literally lie back, and do
something else (read a book, watch TV).
It’s the lazy person’s vibrator, and highly recommended if all you want
is a clit stimulator. I purchased
for myself a Lelo Ina, which I like because it’s a G-spot stimulator, but it
also has a dual clit stimulator, which by god, is genius! You can’t go wrong with Lelo. They’re the Chanel of the vibrator
world. I also own a Hitachi. I think every woman needs to own a
Hitachi. They are durable and classic. And you can use it as a legitimate
massager as well (just clean that shit before you do it).
Hey, don’t take my advice. Plenty of women get off in their own methods that work
better than mine. We’re all
created a little different so my figure eights might not work for you (try
figure nines, those shits are crazy!).
So, ladies, leave some of your own methods and favorite sex toys, would
love to get some idea of what my readers are into. Plus, I want to experiment with a few other methods, so I'll be sure to report back.
This one is dedicated to my sister. Happy Birthday, baby!
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