What is with musicians being really hot? I’ve been managing this pretty awesome band,
and it blew my mind how good looking all the band members got after they picked
up an instrument (I mean, that’s not to say they were bad looking in the first
place, but you know). I didn’t
meet anyone substantial at the concert my band played at on Wednesday, but my
assholes won 2nd place, and frankly that got me off well enough.
Whatever, I probably would have taken half those bands home,
and about all those chicks. Musicians are so fucking boss, I can’t even begin to
describe. Sure I’ve had the
opportunity to do a musician here and there, but there’s certainly a
difference between a mainstream hip-hop artist and a rock star earring-wielding punk.
As usual, there
is no reason for me to speak about my band's success with the exception that they fucking rocked at the concert this week. So I’ll just dive
into cunninglingus (no pun intended).
I mean, as you probably know, this isn’t something that I’m really into,
but I’ve gotten several requests to write about it, I'll give it a shot.
Biologically, in this day and age, it makes sense that
females would prefer this method of pleasure given the extreme LOW risk of
being impregnated (I mean, depending how you do it). Whatever, I’m over trying to avoid receiving oral sex. If a dude wants to do it, fine, but I
STILL haven’t found that perfect flick of the tongue to keep me coming back for
more.
So I reached out to my asshole friends who either A. lick
pussy or B. have their pussy
licked and have a few tips that might help the future licker of my pussy to do
a good job. Personally, if a guy
throws a wintergreen altoid in his mouth and takes his time, I’m fine (I mean
as long as I’m penetrated and the guy knows how to throw down, cue rock star in
my bedroom). But besides the
menthol feeling, there are several little known tips on getting a female off
with your tongue.
First and foremost, always take your time. I’ve said it before, but I’ll speak for
MOST women (present company excluded), that a girl likes to be teased. She doesn’t need to finish when you are
going down on her, just take it easy and get her in the mood before you hit it
with the big guns. Trust me, once
you get the girl going, it will be more fun for the both of you once you
actually have sex with her.
Okay, so you just want her to finish. Again, do NOT rush it (and this is not
just my advice, plenty of my colleagues offer this advice as well). Take your time, and pull out a gimmick
(side story: Speaking of gimmicks,
when my band played on Wednesday, I spent about a minute half way through the
concern wondering if we needed a gimmick.
We did NOT need one. ROCK
ON!). Okay, so pull out a gimmick. Use the altoids. Or, use an ice cube. Or sip some tea. The mix between hot and cold is pretty
awesome. And you know what, I’ve
heard this tip before and didn’t believe it, but I’ve had it tried on me and it
works with nipples too, so I give it the CS approval.
Don’t act like your tongue is taking the place of a penis or
a dildo. It isn’t. It is its own tool and has its own
sensations. No jabbing, stabbing,
none of that shit. And don’t do
anything she doesn’t want to do.
Some girls like their ass played with. Some girls like finger play. Communication is huge, and if you can’t have a conversation
with a girl you are fooling around with, stop thinking with your other head and
move on. There are plenty of
females out there into kinky stuff they can communicate within the first 30
seconds of meeting you. Trust me.
Since this isn’t something I’m totally well versed in
(shocking, I know), I urge my readers to leave tips on what really gets them
off. Orally…. or otherwise. Thanks peach heads.
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