Over the course of the past four months my friend, Shari, has been seeing this tasty little number, Raj. With an average of about one date per month, she went on date number four last night. Shari was staying with me for the weekend, so last night, he met us at my place and we headed over to some out-of-the-way bar in Soho. I had to immediately trek back home because the arepas I had earlier that night weren’t settling well in my stomach.
It was my first time meeting Raj, and after what I heard about it him, I was pretty psyched to meet him. He was a straight out of Brooklyn type kid who was clearly intelligent. It was clear that he was psychologically capable of reading a situation. Even Shari was able to pick up on his ability to "analyze".
I didn’t even hear Shari come home in the morning, which I suspect was around 4am (and I know you’re thinking, hey, light sleeper, let me try and break in. I’m not, go ahead and try it, you’ll be staring down the barrel of my .45 berretta that I’ll bitch slap you with.). To be honest, I had hoped she wouldn’t come back and would spend the night at Raj’s not because I didn’t want her here, god no. Shari is actually one of two of my closest friends. While she hasn’t given her virginity up yet, she isn’t as straight arrow as you might think. So, I was hoping she would get just a little lucky.
So anyway, I woke up at 9am and noticed that she was here, and immediately proceeded to wake her up and find out if she hooked up. She didn’t. This meant we launched into the post-date analysis. If you know me, you’d know that I hate analyzing a situation. Nothing should have to be analyzed, and everything should just be straightforward. Unfortunately, I’m the only one of my friends who thinks this way.
Thus, we analyzed. What was Raj’s deal? He pings Shari on the computer regularly. Shari proactively texts Raj while he continues to be reactive. He hasn’t kissed her yet. New-age computer conversations and text messaging. Four months, four dates. It may sound hackneyed, but it’s what our generation is about, and you know it, so deal with. In other words, a phone call would have made so much more sense, but we’re in 2011, so it doesn’t.
In any event, Shari has been putting in more of an effort than Raj. We could spend countless hours wondering if he was interested or not. My theory is simple. Why entertain a gorgeous, OVERLY educated female in your already complicated life if you’re not interested? Whether he is interested or not, why go through the trouble?
I’m very protective of my friends, so I’m judgmental of ANYONE they bring around me. Whether it’s a guy, girl, dog, or bamboo shoot. I hate dealing with partners of my friends who can’t follow the evolutionary rules. I am totally supportive of the fact that you can’t commit because it’s biological. But don’t string my friend along if you don’t know what you are interested in. It seems almost parsimonious that he is still around because he is interested in something long term.
I could go into the whole long ramble into how girls and guys can’t be friends (the short story is that one end is ALWAYS going to want to sleep with the other end, it’s just the way nature developed us), but I won’t go into that in this post.
Because we live in a society where commitment is the norm, I realize that guys have complexes about commitment since historically, there is minimal basis for a man to commit. I just don't condone uncertainty. I don’t get what the big deal is. Either you want to commit or you don’t. It doesn’t make any biological sense why guys can’t be straightforward like their ancestral counterparts. A coy female is more evolutionarily sound than a coy male.
I’m not saying Raj is one of these guys; it just brought this question to my mind. Guys are really easy to read. I’m not lying. They play by the evolutionary rules about 90% of the time, and it’s more than easy to get what you want out of them. When they don’t play by the rules, and a woman like me comes around to call them out, they end up wanting to kill themselves for being called out as an insecure male. It’s sad, but true, and frankly, I don’t care.
If Shari wants to bring Raj around me again, I’ll be interested in learning more about him so that I can analyze him and figure out what his deal is. Does he really want to be with Shari? Or is he just stringing her along until something better comes along? Obviously, I have my own theories, but perhaps you all out there have something to offer. I’d be happy to be debunked of my own preconceptions regarding a man’s ability to commit.
I have to once again dedicate this post to Shari, for without her, I would have jumped off the Walt Whitman Bridge years ago. I love you.
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