The Proverbial Sugar Mommy

So I think I’ve hit a crossroads in my life. I’m not exactly sure how or why, but I’ve come to question myself. Perhaps because I’ve invited too many people into my real life and its starting to collapse on itself. Before I went to college, I was such a loner, not to mention overweight. I had low self-esteem and the dude(s) I wanted didn’t want me back.

Fast forward to ten years later where not only am I over confident with an inflated sense of self, I have a body to match. I’ve been riding this wave for about five years where sex is just something I’ve added to my routine and relationships are a contrived behavior that neither I, nor anybody needs to participate in.

So I’m not really sure why I’m coming off feeling like I need to be with somebody. The cognitive dissonance that my mind and body is going through right now isn’t helping my already anxious self. I am actually willing to go as far as to blame society and related norms that include “settling down” and “marriage theory”.

Okay so anyway, given the unique nature of my personality, I’m one of the most rare finds in the human female species. I’m confident and independent. In turn, I’m aggressive because I know what I want, and will do what ever it takes to get it. I’ve lived by this mantra and it’s gone pretty well for me. I received my graduate degree in human sexuality. I have founded my own non-profit organization. I am financially independent, physically active, have a smoking physique, and I know how to take care of myself, and subsequently do. Did I mention I can cook?

You know, I always thought I was a great catch. I thought that given all the amazing qualities I just outlined above, I’d have to be very careful about the dudes I’m having casual sex with for fear they fall in love with me. On the contrary, given my aggressive nature, I’ve been hit up for countless sexual encounters, and the one guy I thought I could potentially have a real dinner with called me out. I don’t want to quote him exactly, but he indicated that my personality was great for sex, but not so much for a relationship.

It got me thinking about how men perceive the women they want to “be with”. I mean, evolutionarily, men are attracted to women who have a low waist to hip ratio to bear children (I’d get a point for that) and who have large breasts to nurse their many children (okay minus a point). When it comes to personalities, it is a little more complicated.

Women have been genetically evolved to be reliant on men since the dawn of time. So does it just make sense that men are more inclined to be attracted to a woman who is needy and dependent? Where does that leave the new-age woman who is a confident, independent, beater-wearing, aggressive-get-what-she-needs proverbial sugar mommy? Since I’m a firm believer in evolutionary theory, I’ve come to this crossroads that a guy can’t be seriously interested in me merely because I don’t “need him” and thus a complex has developed.

I know it sounds ridiculously obscene and nonsensical, but when it comes to instinctual evolutionary bullshit that I like to spew, we were meant to breed and genetically perpetuate. That being said, I don’t ever plan on giving in. I plan on staying confident and aggressive. I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along, and if that means I can’t physically or emotionally “be with” someone, then so be it. I’ve been way to successful to ever see myself throwing anything away.

I’d like to dedicate this post to GB who I wanted to have a real dinner with in the past, but lost my chance. I bet I’ll make you happier than any girl that comes along, but I’m going to try and avoid being that girl. Good luck, GB.