Blowjob Banter

Before I started having actual intercourse, I used to fool around quite a bit.  So much so that I never really thought of myself as a full on virgin, I mean frankly, there is a reason why it’s called “oral” sex.  In any event, my version of fooling around goes anywhere from oral sex to hand jobs to penetration involving anything but an actual dick. 

So speaking of oral sex, I used to be all about it.  I could lay back and enjoy it for hours, literally.  I once had a guy who could do all kinds of business with his tongue and throw in a finger or two and make it so god damn mind-blowing (damn, I miss that guy).  Nowadays, I’m not that into it.  Could be because I found the actual dick in me penetration pretty fucking amazing, or more realistically, haven’t found someone who could give me a mind-blowing eating.

Giving oral sex, on the other hand, isn’t something I either love or hate.  I do however have rules about who I give them to, and if you are lucky enough to land in my bedroom, I’ll be happy to dictate them to you.  I also suck a mean dick but that is beside the point.

Talking with my girlfriends, we all have our special techniques on what makes a dude blow the best load of his life.  I guess we all have a special tactic that makes our suck a little special than the last, but right now, I’m going to share some secrets that guarantees a guy coming back for more.

Instead of going into the biological make-up of the male penis, let’s just all come to an agreement that it is a hot bundle of nerves.  That being said, a sensation, any sensation can cause an effect.  A tight grip with your mouth will mimic the vaginal canal so well that you guy won’t ever want to penetrate you again (so be careful with that).  Also, don't try and deep throat.  You aren't Lil Kim and you don't want to be.  Instead, take in what you can and use your hand as an extension of your mouth.  Sure your hand will get all spit-covered, but you are washing your hands after, right?

But above all else, what you really want to do is pop in two wintergreen altoids before you go down.  That shit is the best sensation you can ever have (and my friends, this works both ways, fucking trust me).  It has to be wintergreen.  Don’t use that peppermint shit, it won’t work.  And believe me, have dudes fallen to my feet after this, not to mention it makes the whole process taste better.  Am I wrong?

That all being said, I find the need to express my opinion about girls who don’t give head. We live in an evolved society where blowjobs are no longer something shunned away and hidden.  In fact, I have to say that in this day and age, if you don’t give head, get over yourself.  You’re no better than those who do, and you will likely be cheated on.  It’s a society we are living in.  And again, this goes both way fellas. 

Wow.  Pushing 2 months brings out the best in me, doesn’t it?  Someone better fucking hit this.