Purple Oves

So, I need to take the time to write about the phenomenon that is female blue balls.  I want to change the name to female blue vaginal tract but that just sounds too scientific so I’m going to call it purple oves.  Here’s what I’m talking about.  Sometimes (3 times a day), I find the need to rub one out.  The problem I come across is this internal “ache” that seems to occur due to the lack of penetration (unfortunately, I have yet to find a vibrator that sustains me, but that’s besides the point).

So, it gets me wondering whether I’m the only with this problem.  And I know it isn’t.  Females are just not inclined to claim they have blue balls (let alone admit they jerk off).  But whatever.  The problem is that females just don’t like to admit that they like something in them.  I only get it when I’m in heavy foreplay or I’m rubbing one out.  The minute I get penetrated, there is no reason for the feeling to come about. 

I think that people put a greater emphasis on male blue balls and fail to realize that there are women that have similar needs that fail to be met.  Evolution has developed men to be able to bust into a woman.  Failure for such “bustage” results in the age-old blue balls. 

So, why can’t females feel the same evolutionary instinct when they have lack of dick in them?  It’s not so much a question as it is a fact.  I’m fairly neo-feminist (if not totally obvious) and think that while certain double standards are appropriate, others not so much.

This all boils down to a female’s need to have sex.  Not just a need, but an inherent and biological mechanism that can actually cause pain if not fulfilled.  That all being said, I have a few postulations (don’t know if that’s a word, don’t really care).  A female can absolutely have purple oves and need to have sex.  It’s part of her biological nature.  A male can absolutely have blue balls and need to have sex.  Again, it’s part of his biological nature. 

That all being said, it isn’t a myth as much as it is a biological phenomenon that gives both sexes an actual reason to get some.  So I get a slight bother when I get questions about what to do when their mates are not providing sexually.  I’m not saying the 3-times a day bullshit I need, but even just the 3-times a week schedule.  It bothers me because there is a clear disconnect between the mates.  A.  There are likely communication issues, and B.  There is no way this relationship is going to work, if you can’t even move on the physical.

Sex is evolved to be a biological need.  If there is a disconnect (as I outlined above), then there is likely a weed out happening.  I hate saying that because you all paint pretty pictures in your head that you’re going to find the perfect girl or guy who will want to have sex or won’t want to have sex on your terms only.  It’s definitely not like that. 

So, I want to propose this.  Before you delve deep into a relationship with wining, dining, meeting the parents, taking vacations, etc.  Please be sure and make sure you are both on the same sexual needs tract.  It will save both of you some time.  Please trust me on this.

I’m dedicating this post to the pathetic women out there that think they can talk to a dude till 4am and not expect to go home with him.  Good luck with that, idiot.