Single and Scared

Here’s the problem.  The weather is getting warmer, and girls are breaking up with their winter boyfriends, and single guys are running wild and free just aching to get into my bedroom.  The problem is that I have taken a vow of celibacy until further notice so I’m trying to avoid any temptation.  Not that I see any since no one seems to be capturing my interest lately.

So, let’s talk about relationships and how more often than not, like these cold weather hook-ups, they don’t last.  These days, divorce rates are around 50% and the more I talk to people in my age group, the higher the fear of commitment.  More recently, I’ve been talking to several people, both male and female, who are recently single, separated, or divorced.  And the fear of going back out there is highly prevalent.

Not to mention, my 30-something friends who are still single simply because they don’t want to end up single, separated, or divorced.  It’s sad but at the same time, it’s understandable.  The one thing I can’t stand is the stigma associated with having an ex.  Sure it’s kind of crazy and baggage-y when a partner brings up the ex-files, but is it really that big a deal.  So, s/he was in a relationship, and so it didn’t work.  What the hell does that have to do with you?  Not a goddamn thing.  And you have to keep telling yourself that anytime you wonder about his/her past life, because it has nothing to do with you. 

Those of you who have had relationships that have ended, whether you were dating or married, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there again.  It might take awhile, sure, but don’t judge every future relationship based on the one that didn’t work.  They are out there.  Don’t just shut the idea out.  Whether you want to believe or not, emotions are harder than you think to control. 

And what’s wrong with a guy or a girl who was in a long-term relationship and left because they realize it wasn’t going to work?  I must say I respect these brave souls the most.  Not only did they take the risk of exclusivity, but also they were mature enough and strong enough to get out of a shitty situation.  How can you not be attracted to something like that? 

With that being said, I’m feeling a lot better about keeping my own mind open about the possibility that I might have found someone who I can relate to.  I’m definitely having an internal struggle dealing with a new kind of emotion that I’m feeling on top of my daily bouts of anxiety and panic attacks.  I’m not scared of it. 

Riddled with grammar mistakes, rambling dialogues, and sporadic curses, this one is dedicated to you.  I’d say, “you know who you are”, but that sounds stupid and clichéd.  So instead, I’ll say, I know who you are.