Been pretty cranky lately. Could be due to lack of sex. Sure it was my own decision, but I’m feeling the effects of
it and more so on my mood than anything else. People ask me why I’m doing it and the only thing I can say
is that it’s something I need to do.
Just need to be sober for a while.
And while the first month was atrocious with restless nights, this past
month hasn’t been so bad with the exception of my blatant
crankiness/bitchiness.
It got me thinking about some of my friends who are attached. Who are either in a committed
relationship or flat out married.
Some of these very people have reached out to me divulging that they in
fact are living a lie in the relationship. They are putting on the front that they are in a great
relationship and that life is all great, but in the shadows of the background,
they are living one of the scariest predicaments one can have, a sexless
relationship.
I hate to say that sex isn’t everything in a relationship,
but I’m feeling a little bit more open-minded lately, so I’ll go with it for
the purposes of this piece. Sex
isn’t everything. I get it, but it
is something. The first time you
meet someone, you are attracted to him or her. There is something about them that attracts you to them,
which is a physical reaction, which we are created to act upon.
So then when does the emotional connection become so strong
that the lack of a physical reaction bears nothing on the foundation of the
relationship? I find it hard to
believe that there is a fear instilled that if they broke it off that they
wouldn’t be able to find someone.
Have relationships become that diluted? That you have to put on a show to keep society happy?
What about my married friends who have kids and are no
longer having sex? Is it that their
schedules are too packed to make time for each other? Or has the physical attraction just died since the purpose
of mating has been completed? It’s
kind of a sad thought and more prevalent that you might think.
Then I wonder if there are people on the other side of the
spectrum because if there are, I haven’t met them. People who are only in relationship filled with physical
attraction and sex where there is no emotional connection, feelings, or the
like. While I fully believe that
one can have emotional-less sex, I don’t see a relationship evolving from it. In fact, I don’t think “relationship”
can be defined as 100% physical or 100% emotional.
If someone asked me what I would do in this situation, the
answer would be easy. I’d
leave. Biologically, you need a
healthy dose of emotional and physical attractiveness for any relationship to
take. And I don’t believe that
physical attraction can just die (unless you count having kids, which I mention
above, and will need to take another blog entry to discuss).
So I want to pose the question out there to the blog
world. Do you think it is appropriate
to stay in a sex-less (physical-less) relationship? Would you do it?
Why or why not? Do you
think you can have a “relationship” that is based solely on sex? Would you consider that a relationship? What kind of advice would you give to
those who are in these situations?
2 comments:
My opinion is that in case if you are in a sexless relation than the only logical thing to do is to get out of it. Because each and every facet of a relation is important. A relation should have every ingredient viz. love,trust,passion,fights and sex, everything. A relationship without any one of these things would be unfulfilling and would just make the people in that relation miserable.
I think every relationship goes through phases. There's the hot-and-heavy-can't-live-without-you-inside-me phase, which can fade over time, but it's never completely gone.
As a married with kid, I know we don't have sex as often as we'd like. A huge part of it is that we just run out of steam by the time it's time for bed. It doesn't mean we're no longer attracted to one another. It means we're going through a different phase. We'll be back to recreational sex soon enough.
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